do you guys ever have those days that you wish could just disappear and you could start over? like just get back into bed and restart everything. anyone? well i had one of those days today. seriously it was tough. and getting myself to stay in track with this blog is even tougher. because all i want to do is crawl back into bed and pretend like nothing happened. but i can’t. i have to put my big girl panties on and deal with it. as much as i hate even telling myself that.
the hardest thing for me is not being completely in love with my job. i like it. i love my co-workers but i really wish i could be doing something else to be honest. but like i’ve said in previous posts, this is where God has me right now. so i’ve been trying to make the best of it. well today, it wasn’t the best day. started out okay. but than i got to work and had this crazy migraine. then i didn’t even have a chance to make my coffee until lunch. and of course the migraine stayed all day. and some other issues happened at work that i won’t disclose, but let’s just say i couldn’t focus all day because of it. i just kept wishing that i would wake up and this would all be a dream. do you ever feel like that? Like if you sit and stare at the wall long enough you’ll wake yourself up from your nightmare and be able to start over and forget what you just went through. but the hardest thing for me sometimes is realizing that, staring at a wall isn’t going to wake me up. because i’m already in reality.
when you’re just a kid you don’t really understand what it means to be an adult. you live life carefree because your parents are taking care of you. they provide everything you need and want. so when a child thinks about what a grown ups life is like, at least for me, you think that someone will always be there to take care of you. someone will always be there to make you dinner or fold your clothes or make your bed. but the reality of it is, that’s not the case. when you grow up, and have to face tough situations, there isn’t anyone there to shield you from the pain. you just have to grin and bare it. you just have to take it in, realize you can’t change it, and figure out how to move on with your life.
there are so many things i could say, but as i’ve gotten older and my relationship with Christ has grown, it hasn’t always been a walk in the park. i think that’s a huge misconception that people have in regards to Christians. that we have it so easy, we don’t understand what the “real” world is all about. but that’s far from the truth. we still go through stuff. we still have bad days. we still get migraines and sometimes our bosses just make us so mad with decisions they make. that’s normal. but it’s how’s we deal with these situations that make us stand out as Christians.
today i had the opportunity to really tell someone off. i mean really give him a piece of my mind. i was angry. i felt it would have been well-deserved. this person has treated other co-workers of mine wrong, so i felt it was my duty to give him this long list of wrongs he’d done. and he even gave me the opportunity to speak my mind and share my thoughts with him about a situation. but within moments of me speaking, the only words that actually came out of my mouth were “i’m not concerned because God is in control.” my biggest opportunity and spotlight moment came down to those 8 words. “i’m not concerned because God is in control.”
i almost couldn’t believe myself after i said it. like “hey stupid this was your shot what are you doing?!?” and i still stuck with my first sentence. nothing changed. today i realized how much a persons actions can change the plans of God. today i realized how important it is for me to always be in His will and make sure that the decisions i make are what He wants me to make. because i really don’t know how my actions can affect others. and today, while i was sitting in that room, listening to this person speak to me, literally all i could think of was “i’m not concerned because God is in control.” and you know, i actually believe that. yes, i was angry in the moment and saddened, but i still know everything will be fine. i’m seeing day by day how God is shifting things and moving things into His perfect plan for us. it’s amazing. i’m so amazed at how God can take something He originally intended for good but man kind of jacked it up, and still make something beautiful out of it.
just know, no matter what you’re going through, God can still make something beautiful out of it. no matter what it is..