patience.

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patience. waiting. two words not many people like. i know i didn’t. well i don’t. most of the time. while i’ve gotten used to waiting for things, my patience is taking a while to grow. there’s a difference you know. between waiting and being patient. patience, my own definition of course, is waiting for something or someone but waiting with a good attitude. waiting, for me, doesn’t come with much of a good attitude. i don’t like waiting. i’m a go-getter. i like to do things right when i think of them. i’ll work day and night on a project just to see it completed. i’ve never been a patient person because of that. i don’t like waiting. that’s just something i’m still working on with the Lord. and you all know, it’s never about our timing it’s always about His. so you can imagine how frustrated i can get. waiting on God. waiting on Him to show up. waiting on Him to answer. waiting on Him to move. for a person that is a go-getter, that loves change, waiting on God isn’t an easy thing for me. it’s sucks actually. but that waiting, has taught me patience. at the very beginners level of course, i’m not perfect.

patience, like i said before is waiting with a good attitude. my patience lately is wearing thin. i’m in a place right now that i am waiting on God. i have no choice but to wait on Him. while he is still opening doors in certain areas, the biggest area of my life right now, my career, is the one that is in the waiting room. and everyday, i’m getting more and more tired. tired of waiting. hoping that the next day, He’ll show me the next step. hoping the next day, He’ll tell me what to do. but it just hasn’t happened. and that is so frustrating. i’m just being real with you. waiting on God isn’t an easy thing nor is it fun.

my dream, is to travel the world and worship God. i want to help churches grow their worship teams and departments. i want to teach others about worship, about true worship to God. i want to inspire young people to live lives on fire for God. to live a life of integrity. of honesty. of love for people and for God. that is what i want to do. that is my dream job. but right now my reality is working at a university in the financial aid department. now, i like my job, love my boss, and love my co-workers. but lately the stress levels have increased greatly and the fun just isn’t there anymore. my heart isn’t completely in it anymore. and for me, that kills me. everything i do, no matter what it is, i put my heart and soul into it. my last job, i didn’t like some of the aspects that job at all. i would get sad when i had to go to work. i would go to work sick, even though i knew i should stay home and rest. but no matter what i was feeling, i put in overtime when they needed me too. i was there on my days off when they needed me. i poured my whole life into that job, not because i liked it but because i knew i had to do this. it’s wasn’t for my boss; it was for God. i’ve been working for Him for years now. but there comes a time when you stop and think, when can i work at my dream? when can that be my only job? am i missing something? did i do something wrong?

those are the thoughts that go through your mind. and i’m sure you’ve thought the same thing too. it’s a tough place to be in. and as i sit here writing this, i’m in that tough spot. what do i do? i came home today from another long and stressful day at work, and just put on some worship music. my favorite song right now is here waiting by david and nicole binion of covenant worship. there’s a part that says, “don’t be far from me. i’m here waiting for you. God i’m not moving, i’m here waiting on You.” once i heard that, it all became clear to me again. a little bit of true patience just grew in me tonight. this song helps to remind me in situations what true patience is all about. it’s about here, waiting on God. doesn’t matter how long it takes. it’s about not moving, but waiting here for Him. i may not like the place i’m in right now. but i choose to wait here for God to move. and i choose to love every moment of this waiting period, even though at times i know i will get frustrated. i will continue to wait for Him to show up and show me where to go.

in times like today, i need to tell myself, “it’s not about my timeline it’s about Gods.” Gods timing is the most important. i hope when you’re reading you feel encouraged. you may not like the stage that your in right now. it may be difficult. it may feel like your being stretched in ways you never thought you could be. it may be emotional and just down right now fun. but know that where you are at right now is where God wants you to be. he is in the process of breaking and molding you to remove the impurities within you. He’s drawing you closer to His heart. during times like these, remember to continue chasing after Him even if you don’t feel like He’s chasing after you. He’s still there. and He will never leave.

patience. it’s a learning process. Xoxo

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